I am not a doormat.

Imagine you are the CEO for the day. What do you wish you could change about your employees and why?

Imagine you are the CEO for the day. What do you wish you could change about your employees and why? As Ella Fitzgerald sang- Nice work if you can get it

You are human and it is natural for you to seek approval, to be seen as the nice person, to be liked among a large percentage of people, both in your personal and your professional life. These days business leaders are placed under a tremendous amount of pressure to be relatable, human and … nice. Many given in to this instinct, because it feels much easier to be liked (see also the neuroscience of being liked). Few people want to be the bad / tough / hard guy. Some adopt the good cop / bad cop, known in British military circles as Mutt and Jeff (from an American newspaper comic strip of that name) and is a psychological tactic used for interrogation.

But leaders are also expected to make the tough decisions that serve the company or the team’s best interests. Beingtoo nice can be lazy, inefficient, irresponsible, and harmful to individuals and the organisation. I don’t want to be nice.

Do you feel most of the work comes your way because your colleagues are lazy? Every time there’s a problem, fingers are pointed at you? That your colleagues get away with things because they know you won’t say anything? It’s time you stopped being too polite and stopped being a doormat. You can still have good manners (yes please) and fine etiquette (after you), but know when enough is enough. If someone is being rude, just take them aside and tell them,

You cannot talk to me like that. This is unacceptable behaviour.

It is really powerful and they will not repeat this behavior. Try it, it’s truly liberating. Be nice and kind by all means. Say, Thank you, where required. Say, Sorry, where needed. But don’t be a doormat.

When you’re too nice with anyone in business, from suppliers who can’t deliver on time, to colleagues who don’t do their work, to customers who refuse to pay, what you are actually doing is letting others take advantage of you and your business.

When you are too generous with your allowances for others, you create an atmosphere for contempt to spread. Imagine the reactions of your most talented, focused, and motivated employees as they watch poor coworkers get let off their poor work.

You know that internal anger and resentment will take hold, morale plummets and staff turnover increases. Think of how loyal customers will react if they see how easy it is for others to take advantage of your services.

You cannot afford your reputation to suffer. These problems become more difficult to solve as they pile up. You don’t need to be severe to be respected, but you do need to hold your organisation to certain standards — and you must be firm about people meeting them.

Setting clear rules will help you when decisive action is needed. That means no more prevarication, no more delays, no demurring, no debating. It all starts with the decision not to be a doormat. You can be well-liked in the workplace without being the office doormat by trying to improve these aspects of your business behavior:

Become a great listener – People like to talk about themselves, and they feel better if they feel they are being heard. If you learn to be a good listener, it will make you someone who can listen in a business situation, be it to a client, or to other colleagues. Lend an ear, but don’t offer advice unless you are asked for it: people don’t like being told what to do.
Learn to ask great questions – By questioning why things are done a certain way, it encourages people to question beliefs and opens the door to new possibilities. Knowing great questions to ask can make a difference in getting the best answers. Encourage everyone to ask killer queries, open-ended questions that lead to creative, groundbreaking solutions.
Don’t be afraid to make a decision – The problem of indecisiveness is that it makes people feel insecure, if you constantly change your mind and demonstrates that you haven’t got a lot of confidence in your opinions or choices. Don’t worry so much about pleasing other people. Sometimes pleasing yourself is just as important.
Learn the art of being assertive – Confidence in demonstrating that you have faith in your own abilities and are assured about the quality of your work will mean that people will start to view you in the same light. Don’t be too modest, or people will start to believe it when you say you’re not good at something. Blow your own trumpet too loudly and you will be the office bore.
Take time for introspection – If you have a habit of being too nice to employees, chances are you let yourself slide as well. Are you too nice to yourself? Introspection is a powerful leadership tool, but we often forget to use it. When you ask yourself what behaviours hold you and your team back, you can recalibrate your leadership style for the better. When you give employees the space to give you the hard truths, without fear of repercussion, you’ll get valuable perspective and make a giant leap forward in maturing as a leader.

This doesn’t mean managers (I hate that word) get a free pass to be disrespectful, cruel, or a bully in the workplace. There’s a huge difference between being an effective leader with high expectations and dealing with problem after problem caused by poor leadership. Beware of confusing being nice (or what some people call being liked) with being a good leader.

Being just too nice as a leader will actually hurt you, waste your time and resources and possibly damage your reputation with loyal customers and hardworking employees.

No more doormat, no more Mutt and Jeff.

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